A bass
player walks into a library and says: "Hi I'll have a
burger,fries, and a large coke." The librarian responds:
Sshhhh....do you know where you are? This is a library!"
The bass player, sheepishly, and in a whisper says:
"Sorry....I'll have a burger, fries and a large coke
Ha Ha Ha
This one from Milky
Q.What
do you call a bass player who turns into a vocalist?
A.A smart one
This one from Will
Q.What
is the first sign that you are hallucinating?
A.Two
guitarists are playing in tune together!!.
Some
jokes from Oscar Whatmore
Q.Why
does the rest of the band resent the drummer?
A.Cos
they don't get to bang as much as him.
Q.What's
the difference between a singer & a guitarist?
A. A guitarist can annoy you
without moving his lips.
A bass
player lottery numbers:
1 5 1 5 1 5
These Classics from Marc Mcwilliams
Q. Why do
bass players whistle when sitting on the toilet?
A.So they know which
end to wipe
Q. Whats
the difference between a bass player and a battery?
A. A battery has a
positive side
Q. Whats the
perfect weight for a guitarist?
A. About
3lbs, including the urn
These gems from George P from Surrey
Q.
What
sort of musicians turns up late for rehearsals and gigs?
A.
Guitar players and Vocalists
Q.How
do you know when there's a singer at the door?
A.
She
can't find the key and she doesn't know when to come in.
Q.
How
many vocalists does it take to fix a light bulb?
A.
One! Because they expect they whole world to revolve
around them!
Q.
How do you tell a vocalist to shut up?
A.
Put a dummy in their mouth!
This one
from Toby Alexander, Drummer with Nexus Six, Bristol
Two girls are walking along when they hear..
Psst! Down here!'They both look
down and see a frog sitting beside the road. The
frog says to them, 'Hey, if you kiss me I'll turn
into a world famous guitarist and make you both rich
and famous!' The two girls looked at each other, and
one of them reached down and grabbed the frog and
stuffed it in her pocket. The other girl said, 'What
did you do that for?'
The first replied, i'm not stupid. I know a talking frog
is worth heaps more than a famous guitarist any day!!!
The following from Sam Naylor
Q. What do you get if
you cross a bassist with a Gorilla
A. A really dumb
Gorilla!!
These next few are
all from Will Dalton (Drummer of My Silver
Beard)
Q. How do you get a guitar player off of your
front porch ?
A. Pay for the pizza.
Q.What do you do if your bassist is drowning?
A. Throw him his amp.
Q. How many lead guitarists does it take to
change a light bulb ?
A. None... they just steal somebody else's light
Q. How many bass players does it take to
change a lightbulb?
A.
1)-None; the drummer can do that with his left hand.
2)-Don't bother...just leave it out ..no one will notice
3)-One ..but the guitarist has to show him first
4)-One. Five. One. Five...
5)-Six..one to change it and the other five to fight off the lead
guitarists who are hogging the light.
Andrew Scott
Q. What's the
difference between a bassist and channel 4?
A. channel 4 has Friends!!!!
Raims
Q. What's the
difference between a Bassist and a rhino that's just eaten a tin of
baked beans?
A. One's a huge useless thing that makes a deep
farting noise and the other is a rhino.
Chris Arnold
Q. What do u call a
man 'getting with' a women whilst holding a bass?
A. roadie!!
Q. Why are guitarist's
and bassist's bad in bed?
A. Cause they spend hours twiddling knobs that do
nothing, instead of getting on with it!
Michael York of
Sedgley
Q. How do you stop a
bassist from drowning?
A. Take your foot off his head!
from Jeremy in Denmark.
Q. What is the
difference between camels and a bassist???
A. camel can work for 30 days without drinking. A
bassist can drink for 30 days without working.
This from Matt in Bromley
Q. What do you say to
a bass player in a famous band?
A. "What's your name?"
Nick Reading
Q. How do you occupy a
bass player for hours?
A. Tell him to tune his own instrument.
Alastair Tidd
Q. What's the
difference between a bass and an onion?
A. Nobody cries when you chop a bass in half.
a slightly risque non pc joke from Richard Cope
Q. What did the female bass player
say when she got pregnant?
A. "Is it mine"?
Two belters from Tom Graves:
Q. What is the
difference between a Bass player and Guitar player?
A. Two Strings
Q. Why did the Bass
player cross the road?
A. To see his Imaginary Friends.
Thanks, From Mark McPolin, Age 14.
Q. What's the
similarity between a bass player and a hoover.
A. they both suck when you plug them in !!
A few corkers from Richard Creamer
Q. what do you do if
you see a bassist, covered in blood, crawling around your back yard.
A. stop laughing and shoot him
Q. Why did the drummer
put a pack of bass strings on his dashboard.
A. so he could park in the disabled lot.
Thanks To Joe Butterworth
Q. what is the range
of a gibson les paul?
A. About 25 feet if you have a good arm!!
Q. what do you call a
bass player with half a brain?
A. Gifted!!
Q. What is the
difference between a bass player and a chiropodist??
A. The chiropodist bucks up your feet!!
Thanks to Stouffer for these gems.
Q. What's the
difference between a bass and a coffin?
A. The coffin has the stiff on the inside!!
Q. What did the
guitarist get on his IQ test paper.
A. Saliva!!
Q. What do you call a
bass player with friends?
A. A liar!!
Q. What is the
difference between a bass player and a large Pizza.
A. A Pizza can feed a family of four!!
Q. What do you call an
idiot that hangs around and annoys drummers?
A. A bass player!!
Q. Why is it bad when
the drum solo stops?
A. Bass solo begins!!
Q. What do you call a
guitarist in a 3 piece suit?
A. A bass player!!
Q. What do you call an
idiot that hangs around and annoys drummers?
A. The defendent!
Q. Why do people
instantly hate singers?
A. It saves time in the long run!
Thanks to Ali for these 2 jokes.
Q. How do you get a
guitarist to stop playing ?
A. Put the music in front of him!!!!!!
Q. What do you call a
bassist without a girlfriend ?
